Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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