why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
