My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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