My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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