how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
