Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
