I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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