I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
