So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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