You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
