dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
