Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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