Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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