Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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