You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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