She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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