he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
