Non-Jews are for practice
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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