I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
