We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize