Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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