My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
