My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
