are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Is it penis luge time yet?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
