how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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