Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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