Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize