okay pat passed out under dana's car
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Boobs are out for the taking
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
