Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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