we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
