You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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