So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
