Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
