My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize