$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
