ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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