i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
