just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
