I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
