I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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