I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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