i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
