If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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