dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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