Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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