I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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