If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
