Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
