Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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