The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
