The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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