Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
so much tequila, so little girl.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
