She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
MIDGETS
????
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
