i would punch a child for taco bell
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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