I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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