he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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