y did u give ur computer a hand job?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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