I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
