please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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