and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
