I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
